Unit IV Therapeutic Measures for building values

 Forgiveness Meditation 

Forgiveness enables us to be released from the sorrows of the past. Although it can arise spontaneously, it can also be developed. Before you can do forgiveness practice, you must be clear about what forgiveness means. Forgiveness does not in any way justify or condone harmful actions. While you forgive, you may also say, “Never again will I knowingly allow this to happen.” You can resolve to prevent further harm. Forgiveness does not mean you have to seek out or speak to those who caused you harm. You may choose never to see them again.

Forgiveness is an act of the heart, a movement to let go of the pain, the resentment, the outrage that you have carried as a burden for so long. It is an easing of your own heart. We have all been harmed, just as we have at times harmed ourselves and others.

For most people forgiveness is a process. When you have been deeply wounded, the work of forgiveness can take years. It will go through many stages—grief, rage, sorrow, fear, and confusion—and in the end, if you let yourself feel the pain you carry, it will come as a relief, as a release for your heart. You will see that forgiveness is fundamentally for your own sake, a way to carry the pain of the past no longer. The fate of the person who harmed you, whether they be alive or dead, does not matter nearly as much as what you carry in your heart. And if the forgiveness is for yourself, for your own guilt, for the harm you’ve done to yourself or to another, the process is the same. You will come to realize that you can carry it no longer.

To practice forgiveness meditation, let yourself sit comfortably, allowing your eyes to close and your breath to be natural and easy. Let your body and mind relax. Breathing gently into the area of your heart, let yourself feel all the barriers you have erected and the emotions that you have carried because you have not forgiven – not forgiven yourself, not forgiven others. Let yourself feel the pain of keeping your heart closed. Then, breathing softly, begin asking and extending forgiveness, reciting the following words, letting the images and feelings that come up grow deeper as you repeat them.

FORGIVENESS OF OTHERS: There are many ways that I have hurt and harmed others, have betrayed or abandoned them, cause them suffering, knowingly or unknowingly, out of my pain, fear, anger and confusion. Let yourself remember and visualize the ways you have hurt others. See and feel the pain you have caused out of your own fear and confusion. Feel your own sorrow and regret. Sense that finally you can release this burden and ask for forgiveness. Picture each memory that still burdens your heart. And then to each person in your mind repeat: I ask for your forgiveness, I ask for your forgiveness.

FORGIVENESS FOR YOURSELF: There are many ways that I have hurt and harmed myself. I have betrayed or abandoned myself many times through thought, word, or deed, knowingly or unknowingly. Feel your own precious body and life. Let yourself see the ways you have hurt or harmed yourself. Picture them, remember them. Feel the sorrow you have carried from this and sense that you can release these burdens. Extend forgiveness for each of them, one by one. Repeat to yourself: For the ways I have hurt myself through action or inaction, out of fear, pain and confusion, I now extend a full and heartfelt forgiveness. I forgive myself, I forgive myself.

FORGIVENESS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE HURT OR HARMED YOU: There are many ways that I have been harmed by others, abused or abandoned, knowingly or unknowingly, in thought, word or deed. Let yourself picture and remember these many ways. Feel the sorrow you have carried from this past and sense that you can release this burden of pain by extending forgiveness when your heart is ready. Now say to yourself: I now remember the many ways others have hurt or harmed me, wounded me, out of fear, pain, confusion and anger. I have carried this pain in my heart too long. To the extent that I am ready, I offer them forgiveness. To those who have caused me harm, I offer my forgiveness, I forgive you.

Let yourself gently repeat these three directions for forgiveness until you feel a release in your heart. For some great pains you may not feel a release but only the burden and the anguish or anger you have held. Touch this softly. Be forgiving of yourself for not being ready to let go and move on. Forgiveness cannot be forced; it cannot be artificial. Simply continue the practice and let the words and images work gradually in their own way. In time you can make the forgiveness meditation a regular part of your life, letting go of the past and opening your heart to each new moment with a wise loving kindness.

Deep Listening of Inner Wisdom 

What Is the “Inner Voice”?

All your life there has been an inner voice offering guidance, gently and sometimes urgently. Sometimes you listened and other times you brushed it aside and thought nothing of it. This voice goes by different names: inner voice, inner guide, spiritual guide, inner wisdom, or whatever you choose.

How to Recognize Your Inner Voice

When first starting to listen for your inner voice, more than likely it won’t come through quite as clear as this. Think of an old penny with the brightness of the metal beneath dulled over time. However, with some elbow grease the dullness can be removed, revealing the brightness of the metal beneath that was always there. Just because you don’t feel these “aha moments” doesn’t mean they are not there; with some work, your receptivity can be shined up, making it easier to listen and feel when your inner voice is speaking.

With practice, you will learn to recognize when fear and doubt are drowning out your true inner voice that is struggling to be heard. You are listening to your inner voice when your body is filled with YUM, whereas the voice of fear and doubt fills your body with YUCK. You’re listening to your inner voice when you feel empowered, authentic, and peaceful. You will notice that good people and positive experiences are drawn to you with ease. You are listening to fear and doubt when you feel stagnant, unfulfilled, angry, and resentful. By listening to your inner voice, you become the creator of your life rather than a bystander.

Sometimes the inner voice offers a choice that is scary, making you hesitate and question the accuracy. However, more often than not, the most difficult choices are the ones that launch you toward a life filled with purpose, fulfillment, and joy, despite having to go through the gauntlet first—that’s when you learn and grow the most.

Clearing the Way

Listening for your inner voice is like training a new muscle. It won’t happen overnight, but if you make a consistent effort to hone it, the stronger it will become—like a tuner tuning into the right frequency. During this process, you will learn more about yourself and it will be a game changer. Just like with any new venture, it helps to prepare yourself and it also lets your subconscious know that you are truly ready to make changes. A few meaningful daily practices to put in place are ones you are probably familiar with:

• Cultivate present-moment awareness
• Practice mindfulness in all activities
• Follow a healthy diet
• Exercise (you know this was coming)
• Surround yourself with people who support you and your dreams
• Meditate

While all of these practices are beneficial, meditation is like jumping on the fast track. Praying is talking to god (or creator), meditation is listening to god. With meditation, you find stillness and it is there you finally meet your true self, the one whispering to you all these years. 

Meditation: Cultivating Your Inner Voice

1. Find a quiet place without disturbances and get into a comfortable position (avoid lying down unless you have physical limitations).
2. If you are seeking guidance regarding a particular situation, formulate the question now and write it down. Be specific as possible (this is for your eyes only so be open and honest). Place it beside you.
3. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Begin to inhale deeply, and as you exhale, allow your body to relax even more. Take 2 to 3 of these deep breaths.
4. Notice where your attention is. If it’s outside of yourself, bring it back and center within your heart or solar plexus area, it’s helpful to place your hand on that area.
5. Now, silently ask yourself the following questions without judgment or expectations. You don’t have to know the answers.

• Who am I? • What do I want?
• What is my purpose?
• What am I grateful for?

6. Begin to repeat the mantra “So Hum” by silently thinking “So” as you breath in and “Hum” as you breath out. You will have thoughts and this is normal, simply drift back to the mantra each time. Practice this for 10 minutes (feel free to set a timer).
7. When finished, slowly open your eyes and notice how you feel.
8. If you wrote a question down, look at it and see if anything reveals itself.
9. Feel free to journal if you are inspired.

10 practices to get in touch with your inner voice.

If the whole inner voice thing is new to you, it can feel difficult to tap into it, especially if there are a lot of outward demands for your time and attention. Here are Richardson and Racioppi's tips to start accessing your inner voice:

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1.

Create space in your life and schedule.

When you're rushing through your days, the mind can race too, Richardson notes, so make sure you're giving yourself time to slow down. "The best way to tap into your inner voice is to create more space between your thoughts so your intuition can get a word in edgewise."

2.

Practice deep listening.

Active listening involves releasing judgment (and the impulse to respond) when someone else is speaking, fully tuning in to what they're saying. "When we practice listening to others," Racioppi says, "we develop the capacity to listen to ourselves. And this is precisely what you need to listen to your inner voice and receive the guidance it wants to offer."

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3.

Don't neglect self-care.

Your own self-care practices can greatly influence your ability to tap into your inner voice, Richardson says. "Simply up your self-care game, and you will be amazed at how much more information you receive from your inner voice!"

4.

Try journaling in the morning.

Racioppi recommends a practice called morning pages, which comes from Julia Cameron's book, The Artist's Way. "It's the practice of journaling three handwritten pages each morning that are a stream of consciousness," she explains. "Write anything that comes to mind to get going, and usually, by the end of the third page, your inner voice has revealed clear and concrete direction."

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5.

Develop boundaries.

Strong boundaries are essential in so many areas of our lives, particularly so if we're trying to access our inner voice. "Nothing will override your inner knowing more than letting other people's thoughts, demands, needs, desires, and authority override your own," Racioppi says. So, learn how to say no, check in with yourself before saying yes to anything, and learn to trust yourself, she adds.

6.

Learn more about intuition.

We all have a sixth sense, inner voice, or level of intuition just waiting to be tapped into, Richardson says. But, "many times what holds us back from maximizing our intuitive potential is not having enough knowledge of the sixth sense," she notes. "Simply studying your intuition can awaken and strengthen your inner voice."

Racioppi adds, "By getting to know how your intuition speaks to you, you'll deepen your capacity to receive information, and more importantly, you'll attune yourself to understanding to your unique ways of being guided."

7.

Get curious about fleeting moments of insight.

Your inner voice and intuition—even when matter-of-fact—are easy to ignore, Racioppi says. "They are subtle feelings, a quiet knowing, and a gentle guidance system. They will not override your choices, you have to choose them."

It's easy to brush over an aha moment, a wave of goosebumps, or a weirdly specific dream, but the more we learn to pay attention in those instances, the better we'll become at discerning and understanding them. If it helps, Racioppi recommends tracking those moments in a journal.

8.

Mind your physical and mental health.

If you want to access your higher knowing, you'll need to make sure your baseline needs are taken care of too, Richardson says. "Get whatever emotional support you need from loved ones and professionals," she says. Additionally, "maintaining more balance in your physical body through a healthy diet, supplements, and moderate exercise can help you feel more balanced emotionally. When your system feels balanced, it can be easier to discern the difference between your inner voice and an emotional reaction."

9.

Spend tech-free time alone.

Allow yourself to be in silence with few distractions, particularly no phones, computers, or TVs. You could try a meditation practice, though Racioppi says simply being alone in silence is enough. "Don't try to force your inner voice to speak to you; create the conditions required for deep inner listening; quiet alone time."

10.

Practice being in flow states.

And lastly, find a project or projects that get you into a flow state—"a state of being so involved in the work you are doing, or the task at hand, that you lose track of time," Racioppi says. Being in flow feels incredibly freeing and therapeutic and can give you the mental space needed for your inner voice to come through.

Journaling Gratitude

Gratitude Journal Benefits Based on Science

According to Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough, the leading researchers on Gratitude, their research on gratitude journaling has shown benefits such as:

• Greater connection to others
• Increased personal joy
• Better Sleep
• Exercising more regularly
• Lowering symptoms of physical pain
• increase the connection to others for the joy and lowering the systems of pain

Why?

On a subconscious level, gratitude journaling helps counterbalance our negativity bias.

If someone compliments your new haircut or outfit, you will likely not remember it beyond the moment in question. If someone disses your style, however, you will likely remember it forever.

What do you focus on?

 

Criticizing and focusing on problems comes easily. For most of us, appreciation and focusing on the good takes effort. By keeping a gratitude journal, you develop a practice that keeps you accountable to developing appreciation and enjoying happier days.

Translating thoughts into concrete language—whether oral or written—has advantages over just thinking the thoughts: It makes you more aware, deepening the emotional impact.

In Emmons and McCullough’s study, they found that:

Compared to those who were not jotting down their blessings nightly, participants in the gratitude condition reported getting more hours of sleep each night, spending less time awake before falling asleep, and feeling more refreshed upon awakening.

 

Writing a Gratitude Journal will make being grateful as natural as breathing. It just happens without you realizing. It is like using a toothbrush, daily, for your mind.

How To Keep A Gratitude Journal

Many people have great intentions when wanting to practice gratitude, but unfortunately they do not go about it the right way.

We hear people say they are grateful the weather is nice, for their partner, or their new iPhone,and then quickly carry on with their day. The gratitude stays very general and does not sink in.

Here are two key ways to effectively practice gratitude in a powerful way - so all those good feelings stick at a core level and you actually become happier!

1) Connect with something specific

The more detailed you can get while writing what you are grateful for the easier it is to connect with the emotion.

Think about your favourite book. Authors do not just generally describe something bluntly but get into detail to help the reader visualize the scene. Novelists do not just say, “he drove a car,” they say, “he drove a black Mustang that sounded like it held a grudge."

For example, today you may write, “I am grateful for John.”

Do you actually feel good writing that down? If not, get specific. What is it about John that makes you grateful?

2) It matters less what you write; It matters more what you experience and feel:

Inevitably, writing down gratitudes will feel repetitive. After an initial high of focusing on the good,  many journalers throw in the towel because continuing to write what they are grateful for feels lifeless, just going through the motions.

Enter Bob.

Bob was writing the same things he was grateful for every day and got tired of the repetition. We asked him what he is writing about.

Bob said, he writes that he is grateful for his intelligent beautiful wife, adorable goldendoodle, and his good health.

When asked where he feels that gratitude, and Bob drew a blank. He said he usually just thought of the gratitude and put pen to paper.  

When we ask ourselves what we are grateful for, we try our best to wait for the feeling to kick in before putting pen to paper. We try to visualize our gratitude and why it actually matters to us. This feeling usually happens in our chest, that place where we feel the intensity of a new love and excitement.

By waiting a bit longer for that sensation, we know it is coming from a deeper place where we are able to affect our body and mind. This is the way to do gratitude journaling.

Take a moment to experience this yourself.

What are you grateful for? Really. Right now.

Hand on your chest, right over your heart. C’mon. Feel that sensation deep inside.

THAT is gratitude.

The thinking usually comes rapidly, but the feeling takes a little bit longer. Waiting for the emotion—the wonder and awe—makes all the difference when the pen hits the paper.

 

What Should I Write in a Gratitude Journal?

When you first begin it may be easy thinking of gratitudes to write at random, but despite having the best intentions to write soul fulfilling lists, you will inevitably face “gratitude block.”

From here you have a choice: either quickly write a general intellectualized gratitude (world peace!), take a moment to ‘feel before you write’ (but I have to get out the door for work!) or option 3.

What is option 3 you may ask?

It’s how Tim Ferriss (best-selling author of the 4 Hour Work Week, 4 Hour Chef and 4 Hour Body) writes gratitudes. 

So how does Tim practice gratitude?

Instead of thinking of random gratitudes each day, he uses categories:

1. Relationships: An old relationship that really helped you
2. An opportunity that you have today
3. Something great that happened or you saw yesterday
4. Something simple near you (clouds outside, pen you are holding, etc)

Instead of trying to color with every gratitude crayon in the box, he uses just a few. What if today you just focused on relationships you are grateful for? Or things you are grateful for about your health? Or all the shows on Netflix you cannot live without?

We usually find that having a day where you select a "category" helps generate gratitude ideas more quickly.

Gratitude Journal Prompts

Taking the categories one layer deeper, here are example prompts to get your mind going. Some of these will take some time to go past your initial resistance or self-criticism. Dig deeper. There are gems there!

Relationships:

1. What is an old relationship I am grateful for?
2. What qualities do I appreciate in a co-worker?
3. What is one quality I admire about my partner?
4. What positive quality have I picked up from my friend?
5. What positive quality have I picked up from my mom?
6. What positive quality have I picked up from my dad?
7. What do I admire about the employees at the places I frequent?
8. What positive quality do I really admire about myself?
9. What positive qualities of a role model do I value?
10. How can a perceived weakness of mine also be a strength?  

Today’s Opportunities

1. What is one thing I am looking forward to today?
2. What is an opportunity I have today that most people don’t that I can appreciate?
3. What one thing (within my control) would make today great?
4. What is something I am better at today than I was yesterday?
5. What can I appreciate about today’s weather (in a non-cynical way)?
6. What is one thing I appreciate about my health?
7. What positive quality can I find within something I think will suck today?
8. What do I appreciate about the career skills I have today?
9. What can I appreciate/accept of my financial situation?
10. What can I appreciate about my appearance today?

Past Opportunities

1. What is one good thing that happened during the day?
2. What obstacle have I overcome that I appreciate about myself?
3. What did I appreciate about a former job?
4. What do I admire about my childhood?
5. What is a past experience that felt bad at the time that I can appreciate now?
6. What am I grateful for that I learned in school?
7. What is one thing I appreciate about my ancestors that allowed me to live the life I have?
8. What do I appreciate about the food I ate (or didn’t eat) today?
9. What sight did I see yesterday that I found enjoyable?
10. What scent did I smell yesterday that I found enjoyable?

Other things

1. Pick one object you love. What do you love about it?
2. What do I appreciate about the home I live in?
3. What do I appreciate about the city I live in?
4. What do I appreciate about the country I live in?
5. What do I appreciate about the restaurants I frequent?
6. What is one piece of clothing I appreciate?
7. What do I appreciate about the music I listen to?
8. What is one thing I appreciate about my body?
9. What food do I really appreciate and why?
10. What type of art do I appreciate and why?

When Should I Write A Gratitude Journal?

We are big fans of writing what you are grateful for first thing in the morning and reflecting on the good things that happened throughout your day right before going to sleep.

Here’s why.

Wisdom from ancient and modern times teaches that the beginning and the end of the day are times to think, evaluate, and correct course. Such established positive rituals are not restricted to the domain of ultra successful CEOs or Buddhist monks.

Have you ever had a day when you woke up and it felt like everything was going your way? Everything was effortless, and all you wanted to do is smile?

By starting each day off with gratitude, you get a “hit” of those good feelings first thing in the morning. You are fresh, still waking up and have the precious opportunity to set the tone for the rest of the day with a strong morning routine. Think of it as a hit of caffeine for the soul.

Similarly, what do you typically do before you go to sleep? Do you have a nightly routine?

The average person is glued to their screens spending hours on devices right before bed. It keeps our brains running, disturbs our sleep, and worse may cause us to feel worse about ourselves.

What if you choose to use this time to invest in yourself? In your well-being? Never underestimate the benefits of self-care.

You will find that gratitude journaling instantly helps you shift your focus on the positive and short-circuit negative thought loops. No matter how intense your day was, you will sleep a bit better having shown some gratitude. It is that simple.

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/listen-to-your-inner-voice